Do you know why I believe in god? It’s because I’m afraid of the truth. It scares me to think that there is so much in the world that I don’t know about, so much in the universe that I don't know about. It scares me to think that the world doesn’t actually revolve around me, that if something happens to me nothing will change. I’m scared that when I die, there won’t be a heaven; there won’t even be a hell. It scares me to imagine what it is like when I cease to exist, what it is like not to feel, to move or to think.
Do you know why I believe in god? It’s because I refuse to believe my life has no meaning. I must exist for a reason. I don’t know the reason but lots of people can offer one, someone has to be right. I refuse to believe that there are freedom fighters, policemen and firemen, all of whom are martyrs who die for no reason. I refuse to believe that I live just for the sake of it. I go to school, pray every night and write on my blog just for the sake of it. I refuse to believe that the most plausible reason for me to live is just so I can die.
Do you know why I believe in god? It’s because I want to belong. I feel isolated in this cruel world, I want someone to understand me; I NEED someone to understand how I feel and to give me guidance. I want to feel like someone’s got my back, to feel that someone might rely on me, that I’m not the only one who feels the way I do.
Do you know why I believe in god? It’s because I hate my life. There has to be a reason why my life is so different to everyone else’s. There has to be positive ways I can spin the truth into my favour, and to give me fuel to keep going. My life can’t be this bad without some sort of divine intervention.
Do you know why I believe in god? It’s because I love my life. There has to be a reason why my life is so different to everyone else’s. Every second of my life is pure ecstasy, and I need someone to thank. The world is so beautiful, everything about it, the birds and the trees, the cars and the trains, the civilisation we have built. It’s all too hard to comprehend that all this beauty is not down to some sort of divine intervention.
Do you know why I believe in god? It’s because I need a way of explaining what I can’t. So many things in this world are still out of our control, people still suffer and die and we can’t do anything about it. How did existence start? Where does existence end? There is no other answer to all these questions.
Do you know why I believe in god? It’s because I can’t open my eyes to what’s in front of me.
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3 comments:
lovely. like mother.
Beautifully written.
I too have hated the thought of the afterlife; whether we just slip away into nothingness. And I fear that, more than I fear death itself.
Humans are unique. But the emotions we feel/thoughts we have are essentially the same. Just different routes to these.
I don't know what's more depressing; feeling like the crummiest human on earth, or realising you aren't even special enough to own that feeling, as there are others out there who feel the exact same way :/.
But a very good article :).
i love the differences between mine and chris' reviews =P
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